I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
