How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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