Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's Friday. Sex?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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