Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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