His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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