My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
