I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
