I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
