I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
