i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
