Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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