Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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