guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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