Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
