If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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