He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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