I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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