By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
