Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
