I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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