I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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