chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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