Are we in a gay sports bar?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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