What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
