How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
