So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
