Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
