i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
