The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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