Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires