There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die