i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
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So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right