when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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