My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.