I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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