grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
