I cockslap morals
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
