He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We named our party play list daddy issues
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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