you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
