Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
