Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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