Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I need to stop coming to work sober
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
