Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You are a booty call, not a friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
