I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
