marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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