UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
