Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude. I can hear the air.
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