Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
