I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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