Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
someone get that fucking seahorse.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
