My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
