i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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