Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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