I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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