I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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