Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
