he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
