People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
