My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
