So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
