She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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