he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
