I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
