Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
