yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
