My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
