how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
