I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
