so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
