dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
