Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
