Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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