dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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