i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
