I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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