i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Say something about gay babies.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
