while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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