You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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