well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
