its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
