Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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