you guys were way drunker than both of me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
